hi.
dont know why but somehow i feel ppl need to cherish things more. im super downed. exams suck. school suck. studying suck. i want to sleep. until exams are over. and all is over. then maybe i can continue with life on a happier note?
people talk about their father. so what if i dont have one. so what. people ask me "its been a long time since i've seen your father." what can i reply? "oh yes, me too. it has been 8 months." i cant! all i can do is smile. to cover it up. whats the use of all this. seriously. sick and tired.
sick of asking "why me?" seriously. sound like some stupid drama. but just with no end. maybe its here soon. i don know.
what is optimistic? looking on the bright side? or pretending you are on the bright side. i dont know. people say i am optimistic. i take it as a compliment. but whats the use of making myself happy? so that i can live life a little happier. maybe.
but it actually works. i guess. somehow. all these faking. like im the happiest person on earth with no troubles and worries. maybe im the luckiest girl in the world. but. sometimes. im the unluckiest.
ask me why am i so sad. you can say cheer up. but, when a there is a scar, a scar remains. two major events in my life. you can say whatever, big deal. but to me, major. super major. and i could have totally avoided one, but i dint. i think im a fool. its been many years. but its still there. just that little part. very little part. what the hell is my problem.
think so much now also no use. wont help cant help will never help. so therefore, on a lighter note, carry on living life. maybe there's a deeper and greater purpose. you just have to find it. as i say, motivations dont come, i'll go to it. in this context, happiness dont come, i'll go to it. or maybe run? optimistic? nah. just making myself happy.
bye.