this immature girl here. is a loser.
but she is a loser trying to win.
maybe she can.
so, for me. i think im a weird person. i have many emotions at one time. sometimes, no one understands me deep inside except God. and maybe i dont really want anyone to understand me inside. cos. deep dark secrets i hate to share.
maybe im too optimistic. if theres such a thing. i hate sadness. i hate emoness. i hate anything that is not a smile. that is not love. so immature you say. but its true. life is what we make out of it. im not gonna lose. to small little things trying to shake me.
and, i dont care how upset or emo you are. im not gonna let you die or whatever shit. im sticking with you. till you understand im gonna be around. im seriously trying.
im trying not to let myself fall first. i wont. i wont i wont i wont. sometimes i wonder where all my strength come from. there is a God who helps those who call upon him. its true. it really is true. until people open their eyes to see, they will forever be blinded. by this disgusting world, that is super screwed.
so, im gonna be really really strong. im gonna try to be. its stupid, but i try. i try to make myself happier. i really need that person. you. i just need a word. it helps. "its okay, you have me." it really works. but, do i have you? i hate myself for being so insecure. but i hold on. im not letting go.
i hate sadness. fuck sadness. never gonna let it touch me. i need your loving hands to come and pick me up.
i hate the word sorry. okay, not exactly. im sick of it. sorry i cant spend time with you on your birthday. FUCK OFF. maybe i dont really regret deleting it anymore. it hurts. it hurts so much its numb. great. you are the best dad. i dont know you anymore. im really confused. should i miss you or should i hate you. do you even deserve these tears. you dont. but i am still shedding it. why? because i love my daddy, the one who was always there, till then. till now.
i love my boyfriend, never letting go.
bye.