SO WHAT IF I DONT HAVE A FATHER.
before i start. let me rant. then i will talk sense later. later.
so, what if i dont have a father? 'fatherless children are rebellious.' FUCK YOU. no father only what. must say until like that. because dont have... thats why you ... YOU THINK I DAMN FUCKING HAPPY IS IT. OH! MY PARENTS ARE GONNA DIVORCE! YAY PARTY! as much as its a good thing. YOU THINK I HAPPY IS IT. im just glad that "the guy" who tried to kill my mum, IS GONE! great, and its up till now, then i felt that emptiness. FUCK LA. so what now. YOUR MOTHER VERY POOR THING! LOOK AFTER HER! NOW NO MORE DADDY, ITS YOU LOOK AFTER HER. YOUR MUMMY VERY STRESS, DONT MAKE HER ANGRY. SO NOW ALL THE FOCUS IS ON HER LA HUH. THEN. WHAT. ABOUT. ME. i know she's a great mum. yesyesyes. i think so too. i love her. but seems like now im the one at fault. "aiyo, is it you always sleep with mummy thats why they two cannot have their own time" EH WHAT THE FUCK. WOULD I EVER ALLOW A MAN WHO TRIED TO KILL MY MUM TO SLEEP WITH HER ON THE SAME BED WITHOUT ME THERE. NO FUCKING WAY. IF I DO, THE NEXT MORNING I SEE HER DEAD THERE. ALSO MY FAULT. "AIYO. WHY YOU NEVER SLEEP WITH YOUR MUM AND PROTECT HER." aiya fuck la. anyway im okay with my mum. I JUST HATE THOSE KAYPO WHO ASSSUMEEEEE. YA YA YA. IM THE WORSE OK. BAD DAUGHTER. BAD.
so now. i shall talk sense.
my daddy, the one who bought me hamsters, taught me to ride a bike, how to fish, play ps games with me, taught me how to swim, died on 11 nov 2007. which is unfortunately my 14th bday. and at that time, a man, a bad bad man, who tried to kill my mum, did many fucked up stuff, tried to snatch my daddy away, ever since the start of 2006. miraculously. he succeeded. and now, he is far away from me and my mum. farfar away. and my daddy, the one that i loved, allowed himself to die.
ever since 2007, i accepted the fact that, the bad man, is now my daddy. or my daddy is now the bad man. MISTAKE. its 2 different people. the daddy, the one i loved deeply in my heart, actually died off. and i actually thought that he changed, into a bad man. nonono HE DID NOT. and now you say "your father", i think of the daddy, the one who did practically everything with my, even the boyish stuff, beyblades, pokemon cards, fishing, cycling, swimming, remote cars. and many more. and YOU ALL FREAKING PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO CONFUSE ME RIGHT. i know. I KNOW. you tell me, "aiyo, your dad is not bad, forgive him." HUH? my 'dad'? he, er died. or.. OH THE BAD MAN. no way. that is so not my dad. my daddy is not like that. he does not 'lim peh' me. he does not hit me with a belt. he does not throw glasses on the floor. he doesnt bang my mum's head on the wall. he does not hold a knife at my mum's neck. THAT IS NOT MY DADDY. that is the bad man. STOP CONFUSING ME.
the one i wrote cards to every year on father's day, before the bad man snatched, that is my daddy. the one that loved me. (: i love him too. but he died and i accepted the fact. it ends there. IT ENDS THERE. that is the end of 'joey's dad'. SO STOP IT. THAT BAD MAN. IS. NOT. MY. DAD. YOU. FUCKERS.
nelvin korkor, he is my rolemodel. he loves him mum. he is sensible and all. everyone says he's strong. a good boy. a good son. i want to be like him. i love my mum. BUT. maybe i just suck at showing it. i dont know.
daddy. i miss you so so so much. SOSOSO MUCH. why did you lose to the bad man. why did you let him win! why. why did you let him get to you. why did you die. sorry. i didnt help you when the bad man did his bad stuff. i wont believe him. thats not my dad. you are. and i love you sososo much. i miss you so much. you dont have to come back. just stay there. end it there. you are the best and no one is ever going to replace you. not that bad man.
i dont want to cry in the toilet anymore. and come out like nothing happen. im not going to say 'i hate my dad' anymore. that is NOT my dad. im not going to open the cupboard and look at the cards and say, 'but my dad, he's changed'. nonono. no more. im just gonna miss my daddy, and it shall remain as that.
AND FUCK THAT BAD MAN. FUCK HIM. get out get lost go die. i dont know you. I DONT KNOW YOU.
bye everyone. joey is okay. (:
p.s. i have my dearest daddy god who loves me. he's the one that wont leave.