one after another, when will this end?

sometimes life just doesnt wanna let you off. 

it gives a major one.

then gives you loads of time to get over it. 

just when you are going to, another one comes.

and then when it all seems to be okay alr.

small little minor one reminds you. 

of that one major event. 

what the hell is all this shit happening to me.

why the fuck must it always be me. 

let me off already. 

i always feel like im making a bigg fuss out of almost nothing. 

that is how i tell myself to move on. 

how i force myself to pretend its all okay.

where were you when i needed you. 

just one word from you is enough.

am i really that dependent?

im gonna start learning to be independent.

if i can even get over all the craptartic shit.

no i cant. 

i need your loving hands to pick me up.

but where are you.

bye.

:D :D

call me draggy or whatever. i just like to type out whatever is in my mind. it feels much better.

PHYSICS SUCKED TODAY. WTH. 28 PAGES. 2HOURS. 

crazy shit. whatever la totally screwed alr lor. 

after sch went ljs w bryan and rainty. then went best. then alim came. then bryan left. went library w alim and rainty. :D:D fun. I WANNA FIND MY DRAGON BOOKS. i want first person narrative. ROARRRRR. very very sad. ): after eoy im gonna search for it. 

anw, practicing right hand writing. :D hahaha. 

and tmr cheena paper. damn sianed. fail alr la no need do. just hope thr's aircon.  XD

i love alimmmm to da max! <3

paris, venice, etc. 

i want! (: 

all th best for eoys. you can one. 

loves. 

GOODNIGHT. the real goodnight. (:

eoys gonna be over soon. wheeeeehooooooo! 

byeee. 

where have the pretty skies gone.

people say the world is advanced and all. 

i somehow agree but is that all really good? 

the sky used to be damn pretty in the past i bet. without all the pollution and grey shit people release into the air. seriously what has the world come to. its a total friggin mess. im not being an envirofreak okay. its just that maybe i see even more of the selfish side of humans now. and some others i don really wanna know.

going up to top storeys make me realise many stuff. its a good place to think. like maybe, what if there wasnt cars? what if this what if that. maybe humans wont have diseases. maybe people wont die so young. maybe old people get to enjoy life a lil more. and stuff. yea. maybe there would be more rainbows. and the sky. would be so pretty. and the stars would shine so brightly. without humans' disruption. 

sounds like im really crapping. but. all bad stuff that happens to us. isnt it self inflicted? we do bad stuff, we face consequences. pollute air. be lazy. blahblahblah. all so damn friggin selfish people. only think of themselves. 

even racism. like, what was it like last time? was there really a diff? malay, chinese, indian? i bet there wasnt really much. humans were just all together. and they shared stuff. they did stuff together and all. look at the world now. what war all those crap shit. its like, a total MESS. mess mess mess. and all those innocent people affected by those selfish shit. 

so its those selfish people who makes innocent people really sad and all. hai. i don know. maybe it makes people lose trust in everything. can the things that come out from humans mouth be trusted? "we promise not to start another war again." is that true? "we promise to cut down on releasing gases." really? can they really hold their promise? "we love our earth." wow. my ass. bet you love yourself even more. 

so who can people actually really trust? even your true love, cant really be true. promises tend to be broken too. that really comes to show how much of a shit human has become. hurting each other and all. i have nothing else to say alr man. seriously. 

i guess this makes people think more. why are they even ever living here on earth. and where do they go after they die. where did they come from. what is earth. is it really just science? is it just a friggin big bang plus alot of coincidence? ask me? i will just say. who do you trust? ask that person. 

for me. there is only one thing/person i really trust. and that is God. okay im not being holy. but. ever wondered if ther is something other than humans? something else. not aliens. not martians. something else that is greater. i thought of that many times. answers are hard to get. but only when you truly search for it, then it will come. and you will understand. so if there is a God, why is he letting all these happen? hmmm. we brought in upon ourselves. this is the WORLD. what do you expect. you cant blame God for everything. but, "all good and bad comes from God." thats bullcrap. 

so if there is something greater. something that is much much greater than us out there. how would i know? ever believed in spirits? ever felt spirits? only when you experience it yourself then you will believe. intepretations from rocks and made into scripts, idols, burning paper, letting Gods go into your body. all these. what can it really prove. that there is something bigger than us. yea maybe. but. what next. so what goes beyond religions? so its just gods? 

only when you are at your lowest point, you will meet God. because only then, you will ask yourself. why am i here. what is this for. what is that for. why are humans humans? when you ask. you will go and seek. and try to find something. that you can believe and trust in. not just friggin selfish humans who thinks only about themselves. but a being that you can trust and rely on. then you would find some purpose in life. 

for me, i found it. i found the answer. i felt it. i believe in it. i trust in it. i rely on it. it has never let me down. yes, there is a God. but which one? go find and realise for yourself. don give up. because when you get to know this God, you will understand. really. 

everlasting love, there is such a thing. comfort, care. yes there is. it all comes from Him. the maker of heaven and earth. who called us back to him but humans. being humans would never open their eyes. till they are left with nothing. nothing they can rely or trust on. no more money, fame, love, peace with humans. then they start to ask. and hopefully will find. 

its not just contextual knowledge really. i mean, what abt those illiterate, dumb, blind, mute? do they believe in anything? they dont read bibles, kurans and what nots. but, i believe that if they ever experience that amazing love, its just that amazing feeling. being overwhelmed by this spirit that is so powerful. definately someone that can be trusted in. and then maybe one day. people will believe. that there is more to life then just "me, myself and i".

if scientists who discover stuff are so much adored and looked up to. what more the one who created all of these and allowed all these to happen. the trees, roots, rivers, plants, sky, clouds all work harmoniously together. doesnt this prove that something or someone must have created it? it cant just be science. it happens cos it happens. bullshit. science is the discovery of all these wonderful creations. which proves how big and amazing the creator is. look at the stuff humans try to build. a dam? to make a lake? or whatever? the side effect and all. they try so hard but they make things worse. generate electricity but in the end causing acid rain upon themselves. drive cars, burn fuels, cause their own diseases and global warming. the earth is going to die. why? because humans destroyed it. 

so if scientists are so great, what more the creator of all these things. scientist discover, but what about the maker? 

think about it, there is someone out there, waiting for us to realise his love for us.

it really is true. experience his love. stop trying to find trust in humans. its useless. humans are selfish. and useless. but God exceeds all our stupid human ways and ideas. he is God anyway. and he is real.

(: God loves you. come back to him already. stop being lost. 

goodnight people! <3

loneliness is bad for health.

loneliness is bad for health. comsume moderately. 

(:

harrrrrowwww.

today woke at 1230. then left hse around 1. and met alim. went popyoulah and spend around 7? then went to kfc to eat. stomach still got prob. shall go see doc after exams i thinky. then his dad called and asked him to go home. ): so he had to. took 88 to bishan w him. then dropped at j8. 

walked around at 1st, still a lil sadded. haha. then went popyoulah and decided to spend all that i have, to feel better. so spent my remaining. around 4dollars. (: felt a lil better, then went to library. so sian. same library again, like last saturday. last saturday sucked like siao. so i thought it was gonna suck again. 

sat at some lonely spot. HAHA. then took out paper. wanted to try to study. but started to write this long long letter abt how i feel. more like some ranting thing. hate being alone la, will start to think crap. sucks. then somehow, kept it, felt a lil better after writing so much. then started to study. physics. (:

then got this 3 IRITTATING boys come sit next to me. TALK SO FRIGGIN LOUD. -.- nooby sec 2s. damn irritating omg. so i blasted my ipod. but they so much actions and movement. i decided to shift. so went to the spot at lvl 3 where alim always sits. (: then missed him. so sorta emo awhile. then continue studying lo. 

studied properly till i got really distracted by this bunch of fools. lol. doing some stuff with laptop. then i started msging ppl to ask them to come out. no one wanna. awww. then i asked fang if i could go over. that was like 630? she said she come out instead so i was like friggin happy! :D:D then she came at about 7.

shifted to a "cubicle" then realised i lost my beloved NEW green marker. then no mood to study alr. 0.- mian qiang finish the last chapter then started crapping. ;D took pics and talked. lalala. keep laughing. 

then went to j8. walk abit then went fj to eat. damn hungry. ate pepper lunch. :D her mum treat me. yay. then went popyoulah again. choose pens for her. and i saw a few books i so wanna buy! shall get ppl to sponsor me after eoys. (: eragon, twilight, waves. and i wanna borrow the russian concubine from joanyyyy. :D yay. so excited. for now shall just stick to disgusting textbooks and messy notes. 

lalala. alim says maybe he not going cambodia. so touched. but izzokae lah. (: go and have fun ma. not e end of e world. :P 

BYE PEOPLEEEEEEEEEEE. EOY IN ONE MORE DAY. XD. 

night. 

yaye quiz. :D

quizzzy. 

1.What’s one thing that’s heavily weighing on your mind ?

whether there will be aircon for EOY in the hall. XD

2.What’s one thing you’ve learned from a good friendship gone bad?

hmm. if you feel like you should be a bitch, just be one. 

3.What’s one thing you’ve learned from love?

love taught me how to be strong and to really care for someone.

4.Is there anyone special in your life in general at the moment?

yes!

5.What is a happy time you’ve had in the past week?

past week? everyday is a happy day. 

6.Is there anything in your past that you’d like to try again?

YES. er, having a dad? (:

7.Who do you like to spend your nights with?

pretty obvious eh. ;)

8.Are you an emotional person?

somehow. but i don really show it. 

9.Are you self conscious?

heh. don really care how ppl see me. 

10.Do you think of others before yourself?

people i love, yes, i try to. 

11.What’s some things that can always make you feel better?

- someone to say "dont worry, it will be okay."

- drinking coffee, eating chocs.

- a warm hug

- crying and then sleeping

12.Who was the last person you had a crush on?

the one im still having now. 

13.Where do you see yourself this time next year?

in my room chionging for o levels ah? :D

14.Do you tend to make relationships complicated?

i dont know? i dont want to. hah.

15.Who do you feel the most comfortable around?

alim, mummy, friends. 

16.Is there something that you’re waiting for?

holidays. eoy results.

17.One thing you’re NOT looking forward to?

my birthday. eoy results. 

18.How do you feel about changes?

really depends. should be okay la. 

What are you most looking forward to?

end of eoys. 

19.What are your plans for your next birthday?

):  i wonder.

20.Do you think anyone in general out

there loves you?

YES. everyone loves me. *coughs*

21.Whats the most expensive piece of clothing you own?

huh... idk sia. 

22.Why do you drive the car you have right now?

because i dont. 

23.Do you still talk to the person you LAST kissed?

er. YAH?!

24.Have you ever seen your best friend cry?

yes. 

25.What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid?

none. imma strong kid yo.

26.Did you get any compliments today?

yes. imma da gou and a big b***h. thankyou natty. XD

27.Are you friends with your neighbours?

yes. 

28.What were you just thinking about?

my neighbours? -.- and my bday. ):

29.Name the places you have lived in.

whampoa. toapayoh. 

30.When was the last time you drove more than 15 minutes?

never. 

31.Have ever had a crush on your sister’s/brother’s friend?

dont have a sister or brother to start with. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HEYAHHHXZ.

doned. do it too! 

anw, this stupid quiz reminded me of my birthday. ):

not really looking forward to it anymore lah. hah. many people holidaying. damn. wtcrap.

and alim most prob going cambodia. ): ): ): ): ): ): ):

but izzokae lah. birthday nia. more bad memories than good.

11 november- good and bad. 

hope it will be a good one this time round.

nah, i doubt so. 

anw, WALAO EH, I THINK NO AIRCON LOR THE HALL. WAPIANGXZXZ. 

WHO CARE GLOBAL WARMING LAH. ;X;X;X

im not a pure geog student. im not. 

aiya whatever. just pray hard there will be. 

gonna study tmr! and spend muneh at pop-you-lah. XD 

POP YOU LAH. the best place to shop. woooooo. :D

my motivation is coming. im feeling it. 

maybe a lil too late, but better late than never. hee.

goodnight. out with alim tmr! yaye-ness. 

love you to da max!!!! <33333333

BYE PEOPLE. DUNCHH MIISS MIIE T0O MUCHHIIE WORRHXZXZ. 

:D 

p.s. many words i type needs to be read out to be understooded. thankieuu. (:

FEEEL THE STRESS YET? you better.

HARRRROWWWWWW. XD

bet you all missed me like shit. LOL! jk. anw, EOY IN 3DAYS OMGGGGGGGGAWSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FREAKING OUT MANXZXZ. 

good news: WE ARE HAVING IT IN THE HALL! XD XD XD x 240598350698340958!

bad news: er. er. ok. i donknow. i havent really started studying?

aww crapolaaaxz. nevermind. can one. LOL. anything whatever la. as in, just do last min study lor. ok i shall study from tmr onwards. i hope. heeee.

so last few days was super sleeeepy. i slept in class all the time. -.- pig. oh yah. and geoggy trip to omnimax was the bomb! it rocked man! so kewlxzxzxz. i love the ocean. and rivers. and all. (:

i think i am like, in the type-so-disgustingly-but-cant-help-it phase. OMG. all the xzxzxz i cant help it. aiyah who cares la. XD

and i went natty's hse ytd! i love max! and i tuned her guitar which was like. so friggin dusty!! HAHA. and i bathed there too. wheee so fun. and we sorta studied la. :P love nat aka xiao gou! LOL.

so alim just went to sleep. and i guess i shall sleep by 11 as i promised. :X i finished my america's next top model from cycle 9 till now. POWERRRR. although the girl i like never in, at least finalist la. HAHA. so since i have nth better to do on th com, might as well sleep righty.

and i have a superb plan tmr. my ezlinky no more muneh, so i shall take bus to school tmr! but, i scared late so i shall wake up at 530. XD i try i try. since i got bus concession, might as well. clever right. heh heh.

ok. i shall go play my beloved darling guitar with pinky strings :P and then go sleep early.

JY ALIM FOR EOY TMR! <3

byeeeeeeeee people. :D

still holding on.

joey is tired. mentally. 

this immature girl here. is a loser. 

but she is a loser trying to win.

maybe she can.

so, for me. i think im a weird person. i have many emotions at one time. sometimes, no one understands me deep inside except God. and maybe i dont really want anyone to understand me inside. cos. deep dark secrets i hate to share. 

maybe im too optimistic. if theres such a thing. i hate sadness. i hate emoness. i hate anything that is not a smile. that is not love. so immature you say. but its true. life is what we make out of it. im not gonna lose. to small little things trying to shake me. 

and, i dont care how upset or emo you are. im not gonna let you die or whatever shit. im sticking with you. till you understand im gonna be around. im seriously trying. 

im trying not to let myself fall first. i wont. i wont i wont i wont. sometimes i wonder where all my strength come from. there is a God who helps those who call upon him. its true. it really is true. until people open their eyes to see, they will forever be blinded. by this disgusting world, that is super screwed. 

so, im gonna be really really strong. im gonna try to be. its stupid, but i try. i try to make myself happier. i really need that person. you. i just need a word. it helps. "its okay, you have me." it really works. but, do i have you? i hate myself for being so insecure. but i hold on. im not letting go.

i hate sadness. fuck sadness. never gonna let it touch me. i need your loving hands to come and pick me up. 

i hate the word sorry. okay, not exactly. im sick of it. sorry i cant spend time with you on your birthday. FUCK OFF. maybe i dont really regret deleting it anymore. it hurts. it hurts so much its numb. great. you are the best dad. i dont know you anymore. im really confused. should i miss you or should i hate you. do you even deserve these tears. you dont. but i am still shedding it. why? because i love my daddy, the one who was always there, till then. till now. 

i love my boyfriend, never letting go. 

bye. 

quizzytime. :D

on a lighter note, lets do a quiz! 

1.What's the connection between you & the last person who called you?
-boyfriend girlfriend connection. 

2.Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
-never

3.What happened @ 10am today?
-i went back to sleep after alim called.

4.When did you last cry?
-yesterday.

5.What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?
-waffles!

6.What do you want in your life right now?
-alot of stuff. 

7.Do you carry an umbrella when it rains,or just put up your hood?
-er, none. just walk in the rain. 

8.Whats your favorite thing to do on your bed?
-sleep, sleep, sleep. 

9.What bottom are you wearing now?
-nothing. pierre cardin? 

10.What is the nicest text in your inbox says?
nights.. ily, XD. 

11.Do you tend to make relationship complicated?
- why would i want to? LOL. no, -.-.

12.Are you wearing anything that you borrowed from someone?
-nope.

13.What was the last movie you caught?
-make it happen! :D with milaaaa. 

14.What are you proud of?
-my God, my boyfriend, myself. and myself for studying today. :D

15. What does the oldest text message in your inbox say?
-gdnight, i love you. 

16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
-er, sticking with you by addison road! :D

17. Do you have any nicknames?
-alot. kangaroo, carebear, juuu-ey, kingkong -.- , jozy, jo. :D

18. What does your last received text message say?
-maybe becos its saturday. Haha :)

19. What time did you go to bed last night?
-1130 i think. 

20. Are you currently happy?
-yes. :)

21. Who gives you best advice?
-alim, friends, God, mum?

22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
-nope. 

23. Who did you talk on phone last night?
-my grandma? LOL.

24. Is anything bugging you right now?
-yes, many. studies, eoy, cramps. 

25. What/Who was the last thing/person to make you laugh?
-alim. 

26. Do you wear toe socks?
-nope. 

27. Who was the last person you missed a call from?
-alim. 

28. Have you ever had your heart broken?
-yes? but who cares. 

29. What annoys you most in a person?
-too much self-pride, insensitivity, self-hate. 
30. Do you have a crush on anyone?
-yes, but not really counted as a crush anymore. :D

31. Have you ever done cocaine?
-no. -,-

32. What is the colour of your room?
-blue. white.
33. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollar?
-nope. 

34. Do you believed in the saying "talk in cheap"?
-hmm, maybe a lil cos actions are more expensive. 

35. Who was the last person to lay in your bed?
-meeee.

36. Who was the last person to hug you?
-alim. 

37. What do you want to say to the person you have a crush on?
-you are crushed alr!

38. Do you have a life?
-yes! it has 6 sides with 6 different colourful colours, and i love it and the memories it brings. 

39. Have you ever think someone died, when they really didn't?
-yes. i am still thinking. and i believe. 

40. What is the reason behind your profile song?
-no song. 

41. Who was the last person you saw in your dream?
-myself as a super detective. :X

42. Last time you smiled?
-just?

43. Have you changed this year?
-guess so. 

44. What are you listening to right now?
- my keyboard, tv outside, noise downstairs, fan, dengdengdeng of msn convos. XD

45. Are you talking to someone when you doing this?
-myself in my head, dage and alim on msn. 

46. Do you walk with your eyes open or closed?
-open la duh. sometimes they seems closed. -.-

47. Is there a quote you live by?
-everything has a reason, and it cant be that bad. :D

48.Do you want someone you can't have?
-er, nope. 

49. Have you ever played an instrument?
-yah, manymany. 

50. What was the worst idea you've had this week?
-suicide. -.- pms sorry. 

51. What were you doing last night at 11.00pm?
- msging and typing angry posts and crying. 

52. Are you happy with your love life right now?
-yes. with God and my boyfriend and my mummy. 

53. What song describe your love life?
- Jesus loves me this i know, sticking with you by addison road and realize by colbie caillat. 

54. Does the person know that you like him/her?
-YES. 

55. Who always makes you laugh?
- many people including myself. but especially alim. 

56. Do you speak other language other than English?
-yes. 

57. Are you blonde?
-NOPE! 

58. What's your middle name?
-none, wanna gimme one?

59. What are you doing tomorrow?
-cg, church anniversary. 

60. What do you think you are like?
-retarded, immature, weird, but lovable and cute. ewww. ok i think im bhb. :)

61. Who will you choose to die with?
- er? die with as in that person die and i die with that person. don want la. i rather no one dies. 

62.Where have you been today?
-sian. home, church for lunch, central to get $ from grandpa, bestdenki to get earpiece, library, j8 basement, bus interchange, bus, home.

 
63. What game do you play often?
-is rubiks cube a game? er, try-not-to-laugh game. guessing games with self. games on notdoppler. 

64. Who are you missing right now?
-er, my daddy, alim, natasha, june, kristy. 

65. If you've to choose between friend & love, who will you choose?
- er? i don know. 

66. What are you doing right now?
-typing and talking to self in head. 

67. Which primary school are you from?
-convent of the holy infant jesus primary school toa payoh. CHIJTP in short. dont laugh. 

68. Name 3 colours that you like.
-pink, green, red. 

69. What emotion do you like to show?
-is retardedness an emotion? happiness, love. 

70. What is life to you?
-life is.. something everyone has to go through, and its my choice to let it be a happy one or a sad one. so, life is life. 

71. If you have something troubling you, what will you do?
-blog about it, pray about it, tell someone about it, write it down on paper, cry. 

72. Who did you last chat in msn today?
-alim. 

73. Who do you admire the most?
-my daddy God. 

74. Which month are you born in?
-November.

75. How are you feeling right now?
-cranky, crampy-ish. 

76. What is the time now?
-8.31

77. Where are you now?
- singapore, my room. 


78. What colour did you use to dye hair?
-er, highlighted browny before. 

79. Why are you doing this test?
-bored. push down those sad posts below. 

80. What do you do when you're moody?
-blog about it, pray about it, talk to someone and bitch, scream and cry, bite self[last time], go to sleep. 

81. At which age you wish to get marry?
-after 22 before 26. 

82. Who is more important to you?
-more impt? comparing who. -,-

83. Do you think you have enough confidence?
- enough when i need it i guess. 

84. Who is the person you trust the most?
-God. 

85. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after a rain?
-not really till i saw one that day in school. which was the 1st time i saw a full rainbow. i know imma freak. 

86. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?

-er.. i dont know, the whole world to be able to be saved and go to heaven. people wont grow old and there is no such thing as old people and that everyone loves each other. 

87. What is your goal for this year?
many goals. er, pass eoy with flying colours. -.- actually i don really rmb. 

88. Do you believe in eternity love?
-yes, God's love is eternal of course. other than that, depends. 

89.What do you love?
-i love many things. i love things that make me happy, and makes me smile.

90. Do you really think its Global Warming now?
-yes. the globe is really getting warm. and the sky is getting prettier cos of the heat that evaporates more water that makes pretty clouds. 

91. What feeling you hate the most?
-sadness, loneliness. 

92. You cherish every single friendship of yours?
-YES. 

93. Do you give out second chances too easily?
- i guess so. it really depends to who. 

94. Who cares for you the most?
-God?? there are may people who cares alot for me though. 

95.How would you spend your money?
-how? er, anyhow and happily. 

96. What'll you bring when you fight?
-depends on what im fighting. if its human, i'll bring my boyfriend. LOL. jkjk. 

97. What have you regretted doing in your whole life?
-many things which i cant really rmb. 

98. What would you feel that no one no longer cares for you?
- i dono. 

99. What if your boyfriend/girlfriend two-timed you?
- hmm, what if. nothing. i don know. :D

100. What do you want now?
- i want no more cramps. i want you to do this quiz. 

:D:D bye peeps. 

i am very sad.

very very sad. 

someone please come over and pick me up. 

i miss my daddy. alot. 

the only child is usually pampered and loved? 

i dont think so. 

its lonely and loserish. 

goodnight. 

unwanted shit.

i hate hate hate hate hate my mum.

i don know whats her problem. everything i do is wrong. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING I DO IS WRONG. 

she only see what i do wrong. damn fucked up.

COME ON LAH ITS JUST A FUCKING GLASS OF DRINK RIGHT. JIBAI. CAN SAY UNTIL SO FAR. DONT WANT HELP YOU DO WORK. GIVE YOU MORE WORK TO DO. EH PLEASE HOR. IT IS A FUCKING ACCIDENT. NOT LIKE I PURPOSELY PLAN, LATER I SHALL KNOCK DOWN THE GLASS OF DRINK THEN MY MUM CAN CLEAN IT UP. YAY. FUCK IT LA. 

CAN SAY UNTIL SO FUCKING FAR. WHAT TAKE CARE OF ME GIVE ME DRINK I DOWAN DRINK. LEAVE IT THERE. I WAS GOING TO TAKE IT THEN DROP RIGHT. AND I AM CLUMSY. YOU SAID IT TOO. I AM CLUMSY OKAY. SO WHAT. I CANT HELP IT RIGHT. WANT TO DO WHAT NOW. 

ITS JUST A GLASS OF DRINK. THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE. 

and i seriously dont get it. just because my dad left. everything i do wrong is because of that. i come home late. i fail maths. i get a boyfriend. COME ON LA. seriously. dont be stupid can. 

if you really don want me, then just ask someone to take me away or something. why make it look so pathetic like im torturing you and looking after me is so hard. and everything also must daddy daddy. EH SHUT THE FUCK UP LA. YOU THINK I DAMN HAPPY I LOSE A FATHER IS IT. YOU THINK I DAMN HAPPY AH. I ALSO MISS HIM ONE OKAY. YOU HATE HIM YOUR TAIJI. IM OVER THE HATING THING. 

AND EVERYTHING ALSO "WANT ME TO LET YOU GO TO DADDY ANOT. THEN HE CAN LOOK AFTER YOU." WHATS WITH THE THREATENING. THAT IS NOT MY DADDY. THAT IS THE BAD PERSON. MY FATHER IS ALREADY GONE. SO STOP IT SERIOUSLY. I CANT TAKE IT. I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. 

losing a dad is bad enough. with you talking about sending me away and all those threatens, sending me away to someone who is not even my dad. what the fuck is your problem. i cannot take it okay. i study hard and all. you dont even see it. a fucking glass of drink, you kpkb until forever. what is your problem. if it really is me, then ask me get out or smth. im never ever going to that bad person. never. i rather go to let ppl adopt than to go with him. 

i feel so damn unwanted. my father left. now my mum like wants me to leave. am i such a bitch. am i really a bad daughter that no one wants me? i study, i listen, i don create troubles for you. 

stop it alr, im gonna break down.

happy and sad.

joey is happy :D because:

3peace owned frisbee!! hiongster siol. we rock many many many many!!!

YAY YAY YAY, YAYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEE.

joey is sad D: because:

rashes. on my blady legs. 

i fucking screw up my maths. everything. EVERYTHING. im a loser. its just maths and yet i screw it. whatever i dgad anymore. -.-

the weather is so hot. sososo hot. hate it.

i think im having my pms. BUT MY FUCKING THING DOESNT WANNA COME. so i just keep cramping. cb. and IF IT COMES DURING EOYS I'LL KILL MYSELF. 

im really sad. because im agitated. and everything is just so fucked up to me. and i wanna whack everything and everyone up. 

and i miss alim. alot.

bye.

:D :D

hello everyone. 

i lazy to type so.

today, during recess, i had gastric. i dint finish my food. i ate 4 pills from krissy, thankyou! and i wanted to puke. went sick bay, 0,-. tried to puke. natalee is a fool! foool foool.

today, i missed cl listening compre. :D

today, i did physics test and it was okay. -.-

today, is bryan's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESTFRIEND!

today, i ate pepperlunch. bryanchngteckhong treated. 

today, i met my boyfriend. XD ok whatever. 

today, mila waited for bus with me. as usual.

today, is a happy day.

today, i am supposed to sleep by 11. 

today, is going to be over! in one hour. 

today, is the day before frisbee interclass!!!!!! 3PC ROCK. 

today, joey says goodnight.

today, joey loves alim. tmr also. everyday.

GOOOOOOO-NIGHT. hows my "today poem"? XD 

HI.

whee its go-and-study-you-lazy-pigs time! :D

had cheena oral today, so fun. XD was crappish but really enjoyable. yay. elit test was horrendous. was having migranes due to that c thing and yea. left a whole question blank. please let me pass. pleaseplease. :X

so.... im going to start studying. tmr have phys test and i just studied! yay. finally my 1st tick off the whole f-ing list to study. argh. tmr shall go library. AND STAY THERE. to study? i hope. i guess. i think. 

goodnight everyone. im 11 mins late. for sleeping time. alim says. must sleep by 1130. so yea okay i shall. byebyeee. i love everyone! er. alim, natalee, juney, kristy, vickie, chrisypooey, joany, evesity, reneeeey. IT ALL RHYMES. I ROCK! 

ok go sleep. serious. -.- GOODNIGHT. 

p.s. gonna screw cl listening tmr. :P 

sticking with you - addison road

Come on,
it's me you're talking to
There's something going on inside of you
Don't have to say it
But I wish you would
Cause it would be much easier
You always hide behind yourself
You walk a lonely road with no one's help
I hate to break the news
You're headed for a fall

And if I have to jump,
then I'll jump
And I won't look down
You can cry, you can fight
You can scream and shout
I'll push and pull until your walls come down
And you understand
I'm gonna be around
I'm sticking with you
Sticking with you

Even if you try and shut me out
I'm staying here, 'cause that's what love's about
I might let you down,
but I won't let you go
So lean into me,
I want to know
Everything about the fear you hold
Inside, cause you and I are better than just one

hey darling im sticking with you. <3

wheeee! 

its 1:10 and theres churchy tmr. so, short post b4 i go to sleeeeep! today, supposed to wake up at 9! but i dint hear the alarm. -.- meeeee-laaaa's wake up msg woked me instead, but i went back to sleeeeep. hee. officially got up at 1130, went j8 to meet mila. then went macs, but no more student meal on weekends so alim said go yoshi. so went there and no student meal anw, LOL, but ate there. then walked around j8 many times. bought tix for 'make it happen'. but have like 1hr plus to spend. dont really know what we were doing. LOL just walked round and round and round many times. entered arcade around 7 times. :D till it was time then went gv lo. 

the show was nice nice nice! compared to step up and step up 2, it was like, a diff type of dance, so not so sian see the same thing 3 times. LOL. but we were freezing and i was wearing shorts. -.- so yea. almost died but dint. nice show go watch! :D and the guy's blueish green eyes are hawtttzxzxz but im not racist okay!! *stares at mila*

then, went to prime, bought bbt. then went to find a place to sit. so we walked and walked. to this sort of open space on concrete ground that has like, a few seat thingy. ok my description sucks. and meeela is damn retarded bcos he wanted to send me home and i asked him why. and he explained. for a very long period of time. HAH. he said the ppl there cannot be trusted and you cannot believe what you see. then this maid and a small boy walked past. then mila said 'you see that maid and the boy, they look like a maid and a boy, but they might be a couple. you'll never know, cos you cannot trust them.' LOLAAAAHXZXZXZ. and yea he went on and on. LIKE A FOOOOOL. XPXPXP. okay whatever. -.-!

stayed at that open air concrete ground place till ard 5plus when his mama called. then walked to busstop and i banged my knee on the pillar. I DON KNOW HOW BLIND I CAN BE SIA! and yea ouchy. -.- stupid me dumb ass shiats and now damn pain lolaz. then he waited for bus with me, then he went homeeey. i was supposed to go hm, but decided to call my cuzzin, met her at j8 instead! :D 

met her, walked around j8 once again for the 0934782345907834th time. and she told me what she did today at pcbunk with all the cake playing and all. LOLA. then we went to eat at fj. ROTIPRATA. rawkxzxz big time! :D then she took mrt and i took bussssy home. i love shirrrrr vehhvehhhh muchhiieeeee worhhxzxz. <3333333

so now im here and im supposed to be asleep cos i said it was a short post but anw, :D. i have phys hmw and ss to do. so spoiler la walaooz. gonna do tmr i guess. mila said he'll do his tmr, so i think i better do too. heeez. 

so quite a long post afterall huh. hols are gonna be over after tmrrrrr!!! waaaaa! means 3 weeks to eoy and that suckaaaazzzz. go sleep alr la. the whole world seems asleep. -.- and alim said that the world might end on wed cos if some scientist and a mysterious machine. oh well. EXPLOSION!!! hahahaha. whatever omg im super crappy now. GAHHHH. i dowanna sleep yet. ): 

I LOVE ALIMMMM AND SHIRRRRRCUZZY VEHHH MUCHHY! <3333333 

goodnight peeeeps. 

bye. :D 

sweet dreams.

sleep tight.

OKAY WHATEVER I DOWANNA SLEEP YET!!!!

RAHHHRRR. 

ok fine. bye.

BYEBYEBYE! 

oh and btw,  alim/ mila/ meeela/ meeeeee-laaaa are all the same person.

hehehehe. and his real name is... er? whatever he's just joey's bf.

thats all you needa know! :D 

tata. 

alim! <3

hello, its late and yea im gonna sleep soon. :D
but before that i just want to say, [its random but its definitely true!]

YOU ARE SO FREAKING CUTE AND I LOVE YOU!
150208; <3333333333


night peeps, sweet dreams.
:D bye.

really bored.

does your name fit you?

•A: hot
•B: loves people and sex
•C: good kisser
•D: a very good galfren or boyfriend anyone ever had
•E: has gorgeous eyes
•F: loves people wild and crazy adore you
•G: very outgoing
•H: stick to one
•I: is really sweet & romantic
•J: is very sexual
•K: crazy
•L: is a very good kisser
•M: Makes dating fun
•N: is a very good kisser too!
•O: has one of the best personalities ever
•P: popular with all types of people
•Q: a hypocrite
•R: funny
•S: makes people laugh
•T: a smile to die for
•U: is loved by everyone
•V: not judgmental
•W: very broad minded
•X: never let people tell you what to do
•Y: is loved by everyone
•Z: can be funny and dumb at times
---------------------------------------------------------

•J: is very sexual
•O: has one of the best personalities ever
•E: has gorgeous eyes
•Y: is loved by everyone

•O: has one of the best personalities ever
•N: is a very good kisser too!
•G: very outgoing

heee. i guess mine does. sort of. :D


im super bored now and. yea. i feel really bad sometimes. even for small little things. sometimes i really dont get myself. but anyway. what done cant be undone. and yea, i'll learn i guess.

there are times when i feel i think too much. like, some stuff that doesnt even matter to anyone anymore still matters alot to me. as in really small teeny weeny stuff. then i will start feeling real bad about myself and yea. maybe thats me. i really dint know till recently. maybe im too free and i cant stop thinking. i dont know.

watched 'my sassy girl' today with my cuzzins. it was really nice and sweet and all. (: super touching. cried. and yea, romantic shit. lol.

i dont know but i feel uneasy now. like theres smth in my heart unsettled. i feel so controlled sometimes. i dont know by what. maybe its myself and i hate it. i feel so uneasyyyyyyy and uncomfortable. i hate it when its like this. hate hate hate. many things. are bothering me and im gonna let it go. i have to.

and i guess i disappointed many people including my mum. feels really bad.

anyway, i miss you alot.
come online quick.
bye.

many thingxzxz.

hello.

things i wanna buy [updated] :
1. headband [silver/gold]
2. capo.
3. guitar strings [blue/red]
4. dress from hula&co
5. pull&bear shirt! afro muffins. XD

heee. cant wait for 18sept. where my allowance will finally come! :D

bye for now. (:

hols are boring. ):

harrows.

my holidays are boring, hows yours? last night had a wonderful dream! ahahaha. its great to sleep for 12 hours and above cos you get wonderful undisturbed dreams with a cool finish. heee. anw, woke up at 12.15 and left house around 1plus. trained to ps, meet alim and aaron and ate there. then walked around!

alim bought coffee for me! yayeeee. :D happiness. then aaron left. walked around spotlight. then left to bishan. he went home and i started my loner shopping! went cotton on and spent super long time like, 45mins? choosing innerwear for my mummy. i think im psycho. LOL. spent 30dollahs there. mummy bday mah. ): anw alim say he kup-ing. so YAY!

then went basement, walk around, drank the coffee which made my lonershopping less loner-ish, then took 88 to amk. went all around. spent 11dollahs at artbox! cuzzin's present ma. hai. then spent on some other crappy small stuff. then realised that my wallet left 2 dollahs! ): means i spent more than 50 today including lunch. anw, decided to leave that place before i spend my 2dollahs.

walked to mrt, then saw this old man on a wheelchair playing guitar at the underpass. think think awhile, then gave my last 2dollah to him lo. haha. might as well just empty my wallet la. XD trained home and here i am now.

haha, heartpain sia spent so much. means i have around 70++ left for the rest of 2 weeks till 18 sept. hope can survive. heee.

so this week;

tue: move furni in morning, lunch + fareast w mummy.
wed: mummy bday! tts w mum for checkup, dinner.
thurs: shooting in e morning, CG at night, 7-10.
fri: nothing yet. :D

boring sia. ): anw, shall go wrap presents now. heee.

byebye.
and, alim rocks kay. <3